Shut the Front Door

Maybe a front door isn't THAT interesting, but still I think it deserves it's own mini-picture-post considering how far it's come! Jarrod had to first remove a large garage door meant for RV's to drive through. We bought the front door at an outlet-type place, so while we got a great deal, the doors were unstained blanks that had to be sanded and stained and the door knob had to be installed. In addition, since this pole barn was originally a garage/shop, the floor is not even. The corner where the front door is dives downward in two directions. So making the doors look level, as well as open/shut well was a challenge (I'm told).

The RV door on the right is where the front door is now!

Also, since a huge RV door came out of this space, we had to replace some sheet metal siding. Jarrod has used the scraps that have come off the building where we've put in windows to puzzle it in. It's not perfect, but it's pretty good for free and for re-using scraps. Some day, we might re-side, but not a priority now.

Someday a patio out here instead of gravel. Also, a stoop/awning/covering over the door is in the plan.

And the lovely door handle that just went in this weekend.

Why yes, I am an albino.

In honor of "International Albinism Awareness Day"

This post will be a little bit about my experience as an albino and as the mother of toddler with albinism. But I also want to raise awareness about (and hopefully some funds for) the plight of people with albinism in Tanzania, because what they face is horrific.

Albinism is an autosomal recessive condition, if you remember the Medelian square stuff. One can carry the recessive gene and not have the condition. It's only when one inherits the recessive gene from both parents, that it manifests. So, my daughter with albinism received the recessive gene from me, but also from her dad, who does not have albinism. That's the basics. There are different types of albinism, but I'm speaking broadly about oculocutaneous albinism. Basically, the eyes, hair and skin are affected because of the lack of melanin (the stuff that makes you tan).



My experience with albinism
I and my two brothers have albinism. Neither of my parents do and there is no known history of it anywhere else in our family. I don't think I've ever met another albino in my life besides my brothers and now my daughter. It's pretty rare in North America: 1 in 18,000-20,000.

My parents didn't even know I was an albino until I couldn't see the chalkboard in first grade. I have 20/60 vision, not correctable with glasses. I struggled to read the board and overhead projectors all through school. (I went back to college in my mid-twenties when everything had shifted to PowerPoint and Whoa! Way easier to see.)  I can't pass the eye test at the DMV, but thankfully I have a driver's license, though I had to jump through a few extra hoops to get one.

Probably the most difficult part for me as an albino was growing up in the 1980's when being tan was like a fashion requirement. I hated not being able to tan. People made fun of me in 8th grade, but I'm pretty sure that happens to 99% of eighth graders.

Two years ago, I had my second child and her pediatrician suspected albinism when she was three months old. A pediatric ophthamologist more or less confirmed it. She wouldn't say outright (which was weird), but I'm quite certain that Maggie has albinism. I think she sees very similarly to me just from observing her (holding books close and not picking up far-away details).

You may have noticed that I use the terms "person with albinism" and "albino" pretty interchangeably. The word "albino" might be considered offensive to some people and I'd guess for a lot of people, that's because the word is sometimes used in a derogatory way or has a negative connotation because of the way albinos are portrayed in media. Albinos in movies are usually villains or red-eyed people in basements with magical powers. Growing up, when people called me an "albino," it was often done in a mean-spirited way. Personally, I've chosen to use the word to normalize/neutralize it for me and for Maggie. Others with albinism might feel differently.

That's me with two of my nieces. My two brothers have 4 children apiece, none of them albinos.

Albinos in Tanzania and other parts of southern Africa
The incidence of albinism in Tanzania and other parts of southern Africa is much higher than it is in North America, around 1 in 1500. And because of a pervasive cultural belief that people with albinism are ghosts and that their blood and limbs hold magical powers, they are hunted, sold, dismembered and murdered. They live in fear for their lives. Children with albinism often are not sent to school for fear of being kidnapped. Assailants break into homes at night and commit horrific atrocities against children and adults with albinism. Sometimes, it's even family members selling their albino relatives, or tipping off kidnappers.
This NY Times article from May of this year pretty much sums it up.

Here is the organization that is really doing something about it: Under the Same Sun (UTSS), started by Peter Ash of Vancouver B.C. It's hard to read about some of the truly horrible things that have happened to people with albinism, but it's worth perusing UTSS's website to read about their programs, which are really making a difference and bringing hope to many people with albinism there.

I have a personal fundraising page for UTSS, with a goal of raising $500 for them. You can check that out here.
My fundraising page

Thank you for your support! And feel free to share that page on your social media accounts.


National Organization for Albinism and Hypopigmentation (NOAH) is a great place to start if you want more information about albinism in general.

Also, please don't hesitate to contact me if you have specific questions about anything here.

Happy Albinism Awareness Day!

Do we all have a "calling?"

You know those people who are clearly doing what they are "called" to do. You can just tell. My question is: do we all have a calling? How do we find out what that is? Do circumstances like finances or relationships have the potential to make us miss out on that calling? Or, if we are committed, if we trust and go for it, is there some guarantee that we can live out whatever it is we are called to do, assuming we know what that is in the first place?

It's a question I've been asking God. What am I supposed to be doing? Honestly, if you ask me what my calling is, I have no idea. When people say "What's your passion?" my honest answer is that I don't have one.

I've taken a couple "spiritual gifts" tests. My results indicate that my top gifts are "faith" and "hospitality." Let's take those one at a time:

Faith - definitely a gift. There is no way I could believe in a truly good God who wants the very best for me even if it seems otherwise without faith. And that faith is not something I conjured up or willed to happen on my own. It was given to me. No doubt about it. Now, what do I do with that.

Hospitality - I love that idea. I love welcoming people, cooking for them. I yearn to make them feel comfortable. The hitch is I live in a tiny home and I typically have my shirt only halfway on while I simultaneously wipe a butt and make a peanut butter sandwich and my baby crawls around covered in avocado and dog hair. Sometimes all that makes being hospitable seem overwhelming.

Pre-marriage, pre-kids. If I'm honest, I loved this life, except I yearned for ..... what I have now.

It seems every time I try to take on something extra that seems worthy, I get thwarted. I don't get scheduled. E-mails don't get returned. I'm thanked, but they don't need me right now. In a way it feels like God keeps telling me what I'm supposed to be doing right now and I just keep questioning...."Really, that's ALL? And He keeps answering by blocking me every time I try to take on something else. It seems my answer, at least at this point in my life, is this:

Mom, wife, mom, wife, mom, wife. That's it. Nothing else. I know some women are mom, wife AND ________ fill in the blank with something noble. Apparently, all I can handle, and barely handle might I add, is mom, wife.

Can we just live in this photo?

Why am I not just OK with that? And why, if that's "all" I have to do, am I not knocking it out of the park? 

Also pre-kids. I have nothing left to give for dogs right now. It's just another being that needs me.

Growth is a process, but here is something I'm working on. If I lessen the mom/wife role in my head, I treat it as something I don't have to work on. It becomes something that gets in the way of some other thing that I want to do. That's when I start grasping for something else to make me significant, whether that's working or volunteering or sewing aprons or gardening. But if I can accept that my "calling" right now is mom/wife, it's easier to take on the challenges as a growth and refinement process instead of view them as an annoyance. I can give of myself more selflessly if I just surrender to the idea that what I'm doing is sacred, even if it's wiping up pee. 

Just me? Is it easy for you to just roll with the mom/wife role? Or do you buck against that defining you? Also, how the f--k did those pioneer women do it? I wonder that all the time.

When Molly Bea fell out of the crib

Molly Bea is our baby of the family. The third of three girls. The last baby, we presume. She has the sweetest temperament and a ready-smile.

Last week, she fell out of her crib. I'm often the parent who says "she's fiiiine" and moves on, but this one left me reeling. Molly sleeps in a crib elevated about five feet off the ground.

My husband modified the crib so that the side opens and closes like a door, with latches. I think any mother would be terrified, as I am, that one day she would forget to latch the door. 

Molly Bea is the second baby to sleep in this crib and I still double check myself every time I put her in there. So, here's the gist of it:

Poor little Molly can never get in a good nap. She is constantly awakened mid-sleep because she lives in a tiny house with two older siblings. So the other day when she fell asleep I laid her in her crib hoping she would get to stay asleep for awhile. Just as I laid her down my two-year-old started screaming and I rushed out to hush her.

I was actually quite pleased with my parenting at this point because I was calm with the screaming two year-old, quieted her and the baby stayed asleep. Five minutes later, I was on the front porch when my oldest child came out and said "Mommy, Molly Bea fell out of her crib."

I rushed inside. Molly was crawling towards me crying. My first thought was that there was no way I could have forgotten to latch that door and that my four-year-old had opened it while trying to console her sister. But Mira insisted she hadn't done that and I could tell she was telling the truth.

I inspected Molly's body. She had a small red mark on her forehead but was otherwise completely unscathed. She escaped without so much as a bump! I think her blankets preceded her fall and possibly cushioned her and I know "babies bounce" and all, but still! She fell about five feet, presumably head first. It could have been so much worse.

For the rest of the day, she seemed emotionally shocked, like she had just discovered that the world can be cruel. She still smiled at us, but she was on edge. She cried easily. Poor sweet child. By the next day, she was totally herself again.

In the last couple of weeks, friends of friends lost a child in a tragic rope swing accident and a toddler (also friends of friends) sustained burns all over his body from a pot of boiling water accident. I had been thinking about these two families a lot, and praying for them. When Molly Bea fell out of the crib, my empathy for them shot through the roof.

Obviously, I'm not comparing what happened to Molly to what happened to their children. But let's just say that if my heart was dropping into my stomach when I thought about these families before Molly fell, then it was dropping down to hell when I thought about these families, after Molly fell. Motherhood, parenthood, makes our hearts so vulnerable.

Another tragedy happened close to our house this past weekend, in which a baby died. The mom. I just cannot stop thinking about the mom.

Peantbutter pancakes (grain-free)

While I don't follow a grain-free or gluten-free or low carb or Paleo or whatever label diet, I do believe each of those diets has merits and the potential to make a lot of difference in one's health. I did follow a grain-free diet for about a year and I credit it with helping rid me of moderate adult acne and very painful menstrual cramps. These days, I'm much more moderate, but I still love a good protein and fat-packed grain-free recipe.

The inspiration for these pancakes came from a gal I follow on Instagram, @holy_kale. She cites this recipe . < That link has great instructions and pics. Those ladies both use almond butter, which I'm sure is superb. I use peanut butter because frankly, it's less expensive and I ALWAYS have it on hand.

So many great things about these pancakes!
-They are baked in the oven, so I don't spend my Saturday morning babysitting my cast iron skillet.
-They are super soft, an awesome baby food, but my older kids and my husband love them too.
-They use ingredients I almost always have around.
-They are loaded with protein - eggs and peanut butter -which I'm always trying to get more of into my children.

This recipe makes about 12 pancakes for me. The first two times I made it, I doubled it. This morning, I tripled it, and they all got eaten, and that was without me eating any!  My toddlers can easily eat 6 or more of these apiece, for better or worse!

Ingredients
2 eggs
1/2 cup applesauce
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp maple syrup
1/2 tsp vanilla
pinch salt

Whisk all ingredients together. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper (a must!). I use a soup ladle to drop about 1/4 cup of the batter into "pancakes" on the baking sheet. They'll spread a bit as you ladle them on and as they bake. Bake at 350 degrees for about 10 min. I let them cool for about a minute on the baking sheet.

These hold up great as an on-the-go snack too. Plain, or with butter sandwiched between a couple of them.

Rainy Saturday pancakes. I need a camera.

Happy eating!

Garden tips for the frugal, busy and/or lazy gardener!

I've been gardening for about 15 years. Even though keeping up with it now with three young kiddos can feel overwhelming, I can't stop gardening. I feel compelled to grow stuff, especially food. I'm certainly not an expert gardener, but I learn a little more each year. Here is my hodge podge of garden tips.

Tip #1 Grow what will get eaten
Most of us have some kind of limit to our growing space, so if you're going to grow food, grow the food that will get eaten! That sounds so obvious, but I know I'm not the only one who has started ten zucchini seeds (seems so harmless!) which became ten zucchini plants that I simply had to plant because they were like my babies! You probably don't need more than two zucchini plants, lest you become that one person who foists the 20-pound zuke on the neighbors.

Another example: I'm not a huge fan of most winter squashes, but I love spaghetti squash, so for the last couple seasons I haven't bothered with acorn or butternut or other squashes and have just grown spaghetti squash. I figure I can buy a butternut squash that one time that I may want one, but I know we'll eat every single spaghetti squash we grow. One year we did have a pumpkin patch, though. Totally worth it.

Green beans are the other one that can get quickly out of hand. So easy to grow pounds and pounds of them and be totally overwhelmed with beans that end up getting too big on the vine or molding in your veggie drawer. After all the effort! Noooooooo!
Bonus tip 1: Conventional wisdom says you have to parboil green beans prior to freezing them. I actually did a comparison test with frozen beans, parboiled and not, and the two were IDENTICAL. I chop them into 1-2 inch pieces, stick 'em in a ziplock in the freezer and cook them from frozen into stir-fries, quiches, thai curries, etc, all winter long.
Bonus tip 2: The beans that have gotten too big and tough to eat fresh make the best dilly beans. They hold up way better to canning than the slim ones.

All that said, please don't misunderstand me! I'm not trying to "squash" your veggie-growing dreams and I'm all for planting food. My plea is just this: don't let it go to waste! If you grow it, make someone eat it!

Broccoli Raab 

I'm a huge fan of growing strawberries. The "everbearing" kind give us berries from June-September.  

Tip #2 Free (and functional) garden art 
Before I buy anything for my garden, I like to see if I already have something on hand that might work. A little funkiness adds personality to any garden, if you ask me.

My husband is a borderline hoarder (his words, not mine, but I concur). But, he does bring home some pretty awesome useful stuff. I don't even know what this thing is, some kind of railing? But it makes a perfect ladder for growing stuff up. I use it for squash or beans.

That netting was also free. Old fishing net cast off that you can find in piles at the marina.

Other random found and free "art:"

I found this frog in our woods.

Another free score a la Jarrod

Tip #3 Reseeding veggies and flowers
Aka: FREE PLANTS
Some of my favorites in my garden are arugula, calendula, nasturtiums and red orach. The gifts that keep on giving year after year. I've dug up the reseeded calendula or nasturtiums and used them to fill pots instead of buying plants. My tomatilloes also reseed. I pick the best and strongest ones and transplant them to where I want them for the year.

This is some kind of red mustard/mizuna thing that reseeded itself this year. Bonus, it's spicy so the rabbits and slugs have left it alone!

Tomatilloes and nasturtiums

Calendula and tomatilloes

Tip #4 Plant that eyesore
Cinderblock wall or old toilet? Put a plant in it, on it or next to it. We had this huge stump, so I made the "stump garden."

That's me at 5 months pregnant.

The stump garden

Tip #5 Compost
Your garden will love you for it. There are many tutorials online about how to compost and many of them, probably most of them, are way better than mine, but for what it's worth, here's my half-assed, lazy gardener's method.
Collect kitchen scraps and dump them in my black composter. Next to that black composter, I pile woody stuff like stalks from cleaning out the garden in the fall and prunings from plants like sage or blueberries. Then, when I have time, I spread out the black plastic and make a pile by alternating layers of the kitchen scraps with the woody debris, breaking or snipping everything up into the smallest size I have the patience for. I use the plastic simply because I want to keep the weeds from growing up through my pile. There's trailing blackberry in this part of our yard. I wrap the plastic loosely around it and let it go to work. I might stir it up a couple of times. If I made a bigger pile or stirred it more often, I'd probably get compost faster.

Tip # 6 Mulch!
Use that compost to mulch your plants. Use spent coffee grounds to mulch acid-loving plants like berries or rhodies. Wood chips for the garden paths. In the winter, I cover the garden beds with plywood, cardboard or plastic - keeps the weeds and kids out!

Happy gardening!